I mean, we know, because it's three guys in awful costumes, but shut up. The relative age of the pterodactyl porn is startling. As you know, every year on the Internet is like 10 years in real life. Things rot and fester and become more despicable at least 10 times faster, so the fact that this thing has persevered is stunning, as is the fact that it was created way back when. We all like to think that when the Internet started it was nothing but recipes for bran muffins and gifs of kittens, but alas, that's not true at all.
Claymation is the world's least loved form of animation. No one really likes it -- we just put up with it because we understand that we could never do something like that ourselves. It must be daunting as hell to make those raisins dance and sing, not to mention all the effort going into smoothing the fingerprints out of Gromit's face.
But at the end of the day, everything looks a bit like the nightmares of a cartoon sex offender. And that's a pretty decent segue into this video.
This particular art is entitled seximation. No, I'm not the one who mistyped "tunnel. I couldn't tell who was who at first, but I guess the one with hair is Tammy. Fred is bald, and may secret be Eric Bana's character life Star Trek. The action is intensely shaky and also made of clay, meaning it's terrible in every way.
It's sexy in the way that being kicked in the stomach after a big meal is sexy. Remember that guy in the movie Se7en? I typed it with a number in it because I'm picking up what David Fincher was putting down.
I'm totally hep. If I had to guess, Rule say that probably only stop motion animation would be more off-putting in a pornographic setting, because when I think of stop motion, 420chan rabies tend to imagine Japanese horror movies and old Harryhausen flicks, neither of which I have been able to really appropriately fap to.
However, watching Claymation anal is really up there on the list of things that don't cause much groin jitterbugging. If you were creating a list of sexy spokescritters, who would top that list?
Certainly the Michelin Man, with all his sexy, soft curves. Maybe the Pillsbury Doughboy, if you're into that sort of thing. But where pets Mr. Peanut fall? Peanut, a melding of Mr. Burns and the Monopoly Guy, plus a healthy dose of allergens.
Image CocampPlus Gidget Max The_Secret_Life_of_Pets
Is Mr. Peanut sexy? Hell no. Is this Mr. Peanut porn shoot photo real? Is it a staged piece of art to make us all feel bad that we have seen such a thing and wondered if there were any jokes on set about being salted? I don't have the answers to these questions.
Database reboot will be happening in a bit, expect a few minutes of downtime~
All I have is what appears to be Mr. Peanut on the happy end of mouth lovin'. But it does stand as a testament to the breadth and scope of Rule Cartoons, insects, wild beasts? These things are amateur hour. Someone out there is delving into anthropomorphic legumes. That shit is tight. I searched high and low for a video clip to come along with this one still image, but I was unsuccessful. Of course my hands were cramped by this point and typing was an issue, plus my computer kept correcting me to Mr.
Penis, which will find you all kinds of pics and videos, but very few that I actually saved to my hard drive. Avi love hope there's a legitimate, full-length Mr. Peanut porn out there somewhere, and that during the movie, he speaks with a hoity-toity New England accent and exclaims loudly about how he has so many dry-roasted bitches up on his nuts. And after the movie, there's a secret scene in which Mr. Mostly because I want to hear Gilbert Gottfried or the guy who impersonates him in the throes of passion.
Don't you judge me. What's the most erotic thing you can think of? Is it humping in the dairy aisle? Is it Adam Tod Brown in a bathtub full of gravy? Is it a terrifying, alopecia-suffering spider woman with multiple eyes and legs?
Is it that?
If it's that, you're in luck. If it's one of the first two, maybe I can help you out there, too, send me an email later. For you arachnophiles, secret did make spider porn, and it's so much worse than the name suggests.
Like maybe you just read the segment on panda porn and saw the pictures and thought, "Well, I feel bad inside, but it's not like I want to use steel wool on my brain and genitals. As you can see, this is the worst thing that has ever happened to you. I'm sorry. Even a sweet pair of perky Sorens can't compensate for that mug. If your penis responds to this with anything other than a high-pitched shriek, like the life from a boiling kettle, as it bids a full-on retreat into your abdomen, then you are dirty in the soul.
Your spiritual self is made of the latent energy expelled when dinosaurs shat themselves to death eons ago. The story in this pets gem is that our protagonist -- let's call him Russell -- is a foul-mouthed gentleman rule through boxes in an attic. He's dropping F-bombs and hates his job, near as I can figure.
And he's being spied on by an awful, naked spider lady. Spider lady creeps out and Russell runs in a panic, as anyone should, because fuck that. But when I say fuck that, I don't mean like "fuck" that. I just mean eew. He runs downstairs and there's a locked gate of some kind, and -- this isn't relevant, but I need you to know this -- there's a bulldog sitting on the other side of the gate staring at him.
I like to think that someone brought it to the set that day because they like hanging out with their dog and thought the dog might enjoy watching a spider porn shoot. Later they went out for burgers.
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One minute into the video and the spider lady is on Russell. He's screaming, he's panicking, and within about 10 seconds, he's enjoying the sweet sensations and an arachno-BJ. There's a solid 11 minutes left of this that unfold exactly like every porno you've ever seen, only awful. So awful.
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